Recently, I lost one of my spoons. To anyone else it’s just a lost spoon. I was walking from the kitchen to the living room and it fell off the plate I was carrying. I heard it make a soft “thud” as it fell onto the carpet. Of course, I cursed as I continued to my computer desk. It’s hard to eat runny coleslaw with your fingers. At that particular moment I assumed that I could retrieve the errant spoon on my way back to the kitchen to get its replacement. No such luck…
I gave the area a general sweep with my eyes, but my lost spoon was not to be found. I shrugged it off after I used my foot to pull the front door away from the bookshelf to see if it was behind. “I’ll find it,” I assured myself as my stomach urged me to not give into the temptation of abandoning my need for nutrition.
After lunch I began a half-hearted attempt to find my lost spoon. It had only given one carpeted thump as it fell so I knew it hadn’t landed on the linoleum. Looking behind my pile of shoes yielded no sign of my old companion. Even doing the weekly bunny cage cleaning it was nowhere to be found.
It has gone into the black hole that occasionally opens up in my home. I have imagined that my father will find it the next time he comes over to do some home improvement or I’ll find it when I finally move. Until then, it had disappeared and no longer accompanies my meals.
I’ve even offered the buns an extra treat if they come across my lost spoon. They are closer to ground level and could easily find it. It’s unlikely that they would forgo a baked apple disk so it’s highly likely that my beloved companion has abandoned me after all.
I’m heart broken. Well… As heartbroken as one can be over an eating utensil.
The metaphor of the spoon is me in my present situation. I have no income. I don’t want a traditional office job anymore, though I may be forced to once more be boxed in by four walls and an over bearing superior. I’ve been toying around with various ideas. Freelance Writing would be good. I love to write, but I don’t know where to go to find a client. I’m also not very good at selling myself. I, like that spoon, am just as you see me. I’m nothing fancy, but I am good at what I do when I sit down and do it.
I’ve also been dabbling in Web Design. I would have never guessed that I actually enjoy typing HTML and CSS to create interesting websites. My first online course was confusing, but quite satisfying once the project was done. I’ve found several more courses, using them to reiterate the various codes used so my brain will retain them for future use. And as with everything else in my life, what at first frightened me has become somewhat familiar, leading me to wonder why I’ve never done this sort of thing before.
So perhaps my life isn’t exactly like my lost spoon, but I am lost. And I don’t want to find myself after it’s too late and I am forced to “move on”.